People tend to think of winter as the soul-crushing time of year that you just do your best to endure, but depending on what part of America you live in, it could be summer that tests your will to live and the reliability of your A/C.
In the name of freedom and pseudoscience, we’ve taken the liberty of ranking the top four states according to their level of summer misery, factoring in both the weather and the available ways to combat that weather.
The higher the number, the more miserable the summer weather. For those ranked at the top, we’d shake your hands out of respect, but they’re really gross and sweaty right now.
It was tempting to go another direction with the No. 1 choice here, as Mississippi often finishes in the least-desirable position on these state lists, whether the matter at hand is education, health of the general population, or lack of homicidal fire ants. After all, Mississippi is hardly the only Gulf Coast state sporting that unyielding combo of heat and humidity. You know, the kind of weather not even gallons of sweet tea can combat!
Top four most miserable summer? Certainly, but is it REALLY necessary to slot Mississippi all the way at the bottom? Surely not.
But ask any authority on all things Southern to weigh in on where he’d least like to be during summer. “Mississippi. It’s so hot. It’s hot, and there’s nothing to do. Ya’ll can only spend so much time chilling out in a casino!”
Right now hundreds of Mississippians are reading this and saying, “Holy cow! Another state ranking where we’re at the bottom!”
I once read somewhere that if John Grisham has written a novel that has since been turned into a movie that takes place in your state, that state has to have a pretty shitty summer. This could possibly be one of the core tenets of meteorological study. And as I recall with my nearly photographic memory of John Grisham novels that have been turned into films, The Pelican Brief features Julia Roberts as Darby Shaw, a Tulane Law student in NEW ORLEANS.
And, as if that isn’t enough, The Client features a senator from LOUISIANA going missing.
Don’t think I’m providing enough statistical data to back up my claims? Well how about this, taken from a city-data.com message board about unpleasant summers: “Mississippi and Louisiana feel like ovens 24 hours a day, even at nighttime during the summer.”
Sorry friends, but the Grisham Rule + message board statement = meteorological facts. Well, as the old saying goes. It’s a Southern thing, ya’ll wouldn’t understand.
There’s a ton to recommend a trip to Louisiana, just not during the steamy summer, please.
At what point does the “dry heat” argument lose its luster? Could it be when the temperature goes up to 120 DEGREES and summer days merely consist of retired people in air-conditioned cars driving slowly around mall parking lots looking for spots that are marginally close to the shade?
Not there yet? How about when it’s too hot for planes to take off? (More than 40 flights were cancelled on June 17, 2017 because it is too hot for the planes to fly.)
It’s only dry heat, they say. Yeah, but so is the oven! Maybe three is too generous?
The People of Alabama asked the Lord that He grant them their worldly right to play Football in All Seasons and the Lord granted this wish with mild winters and hot, humid summers.
But then the People went back to the Lord and asked if maybe He could tamp down the Humidity a tad because of Perspiration Issues and also if he knew anything about the Mosquito Problem, but then the Lord mentioned something about telling Moses to make a fiery serpent and set it on a pole and The People kind of just left it alone and so now here we are.
No matter what happens, RV travel gives you a story to tell.