When Vogel Talks RVing forwarded the 2015 holiday gift requests to the North Pole last year, Santa immediately emailed back, “Do you know that I’m on a budget? Do you know I have no control over the weather? Get real folks!”
I can’t even repeat what his Director of Gift Relations later said on the phone. That angry elf has a vocabulary to make a sailor blush.
Fortunately, he followed up his tirade with an emailed copy of Santa’s Workshop Code, including the section on Acceptable Gift Requests (SWC Section 4, Paragraph 2).
Evidently, our open-ended ask-for-anything holiday wish list request was completely out of line. Last year we asked for brand new RV accessories, 5-star RV resorts with reliable Wi-Fi, and various weather events including a constant 75-degree temperature. All of these requests violated the Santa’s Workshop Code for cost and/or feasibility.
The gift requests approved included a tankless hot water heater, Dometic portable refrigerator/freezer, eBook reader, backup camera, and a variety of campground directories including Big Rigs Best Bets.
Since we don’t want to get on Santa’s naughty list again, and need to avoid another call from swears-a-lot elf, we are making some important changes to this year’s, “What do you want for the holidays?”
Translated from the SWC code, here are the rules:
- All gifts must fit into a box for shipping on a standard UPS or FedEx truck. Evidently Santa has outsourced the great majority of his shipping services to these two organizations.
- All gifts must actually exist as real products available within the United States or Canada. No matter-to-energy transports. No anti-grump spouse ray guns. No weather events.
- You can only ask for one thing. Following the recession, Santa’s budget experienced severe cutbacks that have yet to be fully rolled back up to pre-recession levels. The one gift limit helps Santa meet his budget.
And one more rule:
- Your wished for item must be RV related; something that you will use for your RV, while RV camping, or during your snowbird travels.
Basically, you need to select one RV related item that fits into a UPS or FedEx shipping box. If it’s legally available at a store or online, it counts.
All gift requests must be specific as to the manufacturer, brand name, and model number of the product you wish for. The current CFO at Santa’s Workshop came from the insurance industry, and has instructed his bean counters to substitute generics if specific models are not specified.
Anyone who wants to make a gift request that does not comply with the above Santa’s Workshop codes can still participate. These requests will be listed in a special section alongside of the SWC compliant requests. If we get another angry elf phone call, so be it.
And finally my request from Santa: a 2017 Newmar King Aire 4553.
I further specify that The King Aire be written up as special order through Midtown RV in the sunny Okanagan city of Penticton, British Columbia.
A Class A motorhome will not fit into a UPS or FedEx shipping box, you say.
Yes, I was puzzled at first on how to circumvent Santa’s Workshop Code, Rule 1.
Since the request specifies a special order through Midtown RV, Santa is saved the added expense of shipping. The order to be finalized through the Internet with a delivery at a later date.
Angry elves, have mercy.
Merry Christmas and happy holidays from Vogel Talks RVing!
I have a list of folks I know, all entered in my computer,
And once a year about this time, I go and take a look.
And that is when I realize that these names are a part
Not of the computer they’re entered in, but of my very heart.
For every name stands for someone who has crossed my path sometime
And in that meeting they’re become the rhythm of the rhyme.